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June 7, 2022

Pilot

Pilot

In the pilot episode of this podcast, we dig into the pilot episode of the “Ted Lasso” series. What is “The Lasso Way,” how does it apply to the real world – and how can we use it to live happier, more positive lives?

 

“This ability to kind of let things roll off your back a little bit more and not take them seriously, I guess, have that faith that they’re gonna come around, like it’s gonna be okay.” - Dimple

 

As a pair of diehard Ted Heads (who just happen to have backgrounds in leadership and positive psychology), we love Ted’s flexible, supportive leadership style

 

In this episode we explore “The Lasso Way” and dive into various themes including the virtue of being uncomfortable, toxic positivity, connecting through kindness and a whole lot more.

 

“You’re gonna come across a lot of people who just aren’t gonna see things the way that you do.” - Dimple

 

 

In This Episode

 

  • [02:15] If you’re comfortable doing something, you’re probably doing it wrong
  • [04:42] Introducing “The Lasso Way”
  • [06:40] “Other people matter” mentality
  • [09:40] Ted Lasso and Coach Beard’s chemistry
  • [18:13] Jason Sudeikis’ SNL stint
  • [20:17] Not everything is about you
  • [24:19] The importance of connecting to people, especially during the pandemic
  • [29:52] Making an impact on other people’s lives through kindness
  • [34:04] Ted Lasso and the idea of toxic positivity
  • [43:59] How the word “believe” resonates with us
  • [46:48] “What Would Ted Lasso Do?” lessons to put into practice

 

Resources & Links

 

https://www.rootsintheclouds.com/blog/why-radically-human-leadership-is-more-important-than-ever

  • 4 Steps to Creating A Human-Centered Organization

https://www.rootsintheclouds.com/blog/004-4-steps-to-creating-a-human-centered-organization

https://www.rediscoveryourplay.com/building-psychological-safety

  • Solve Your Problem With Play

https://www.rediscoveryourplay.com/coaching

  • Jeff’s Positive Psychology Playlist

https://www.rediscoveryourplay.com/playlist

Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Just a quick heads up that these are adults having adult conversations about things that take place on a show where the adults use a lot of adult language, all this to say there might be some salty language ahead. So please plan accordingly.

 

Ted Lasso Clip

Coach Lasso      (00:12):

Yeah. Yeah. Are we nuts for doing this?

 

Coach Beard:

Yeah, this is nuts.

 

Coach Lasso:

Hey, but taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse and if you're comfortable while you're doing it, probably doing it wrong. Okay, goodnight coach.

 

Dimple (00:35):

What would Ted Lasso do? This is a question that we explore in each episode of this podcast. We take the lessons we learn from Ted Lasso and we apply them to the real world through the lens of leadership and positive psychology. My name is Dimple Dhabalia,

 

Jeff (00:50):

And my name is Jeff Harry, and neither of us have ever recorded a podcast. But as Ted Lasso says, taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse. If you're comfortable while you you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong.

 

Dimple (01:04):

We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we enjoyed making it. And that it helps you find new ways to believe. I am so excited that we are finally getting to this. So today we are talking about Season 1, Episode 1, called Pilot, and this one was written by Jason Sudeikis and Bill Lawrence and directed by Tom Marshall. Yeah. So let's jump into that first episode. What did you think? Like what stood out to you?

 

Jeff (01:40):

So, uh, what stood out to me watching it, I literally watched it like 30 minutes ago. Like, so like, it's like, that's

 

Dimple (01:46):

Probably smart.

 

Jeff (01:48):

It was fresh. There are a lot of metaphors, man. There's a lot of, like he says, I mean, there are two metaphors that really like resonated with me. Mm-hmm <affirmative> but one of 'em was like, they're on the plane. He's just like, is it crazy? Like, it's like that we're that we're doing this. And you know, I don't know. Who's the other character's name? What's his

 

Dimple (02:10):

Coach Beard, Coach Beard, played by Brendan Hunt.

 

Jeff (02:15):

Coach Beard is just like, yeah, this is crazy. And then he goes, well, if you're riding a horse and it's comfortable, you are doing it wrong, I was like, what? And it's both like funny and ridiculous, but actually kinda true too. Like, like you've gotta be a little uncomfortable, right? Like that's where all like the magic and the excitement, and like the adventure is sometimes is a lot of times being uncomfortable. And you know, a lot of times we run to like comfortability and that's where like apathy shows up and that's where like we get malaise and then we're like, I don't know what I wanna do with my life. Well, it's because, you know, we've been kind of kinda lazy for a while. So the, the way to get us out of it is to actually get uncomfortable by doing something that you actually think is exciting.

 

Dimple (03:08):

Yeah. Or on the flip side, like the perfectionism side, right. Like where we get stuck in wanting to be perfect and knowledgeable and really know how to do everything and not wanting to get into that discomfort. You know? And I thought that that was actually a really big part of this episode too. Right. Like he knows nothing about this part, yeah.

 

Jeff (03:29):

Oh my gosh, I didn't even realize that because what’s crazy is like, think about when they had the press event. mm-hmm <affirmative> so they're all grilling this guy and being like, you're an idiot. And like, why are you doing here? And you don't even know anything about soccer, but then the owner comes in. What's her name?

 

Dimple (03:51):

Rebecca played by Hannah Waddingham.

 

Jeff (03:52):

Love it. I'm just asking you these names. Like who are these people? I don't know. Rebecca is like, we've been mediocre for years. Like we've been average in Math and you are okay with this rather than like us at least trying. Yeah. Obviously she's trying to sabotage the organization, but, but still the idea that a lot of times we are okay with Math and it's just like, why are we okay with Math <laugh>

 

Dimple (04:22):

Yeah. And we just get comfortable in that, right? And we don't necessarily even notice that it's met anymore. Yeah. I, I loved that too, where she, she just calls out the profound, like mediocrity and this is where she introduces that idea of the Lasso way. And so, uh, which I thought was interesting too.

 

Jeff (04:40):

Oh, what, wait, how did she introduce it?

 

Dimple (04:42):

So she, you know, as she's talking about, that she's been there longer than, or like she's watched more games than anyone. Yeah. And she says, you know, what's what we've been doing hasn't been working. And so we are going to try this a new way and that's the Lasso way.

 

Jeff (04:58):

Oh.

 

Dimple (04:59):

And so, Yeah. Yeah. So what is, what does the Lasso way mean to you?

 

Jeff (05:08):

The Lasso way, I think it, again, I'm gonna go to another analogy as he's packing his bag into the, into the, uh, Nathan's car. See, I remember Nathan, I remember the guy that everyone forgets

 

Dimple (05:23):

Nick Muhammad. Yeah.

 

Jeff (05:23):

And that is fascinating. The Nathan story, because I love the fact that like, nobody remembers my name. Like nobody even asked my name and he, and Lasso was the first, like, again, tying in a positive psychology, right? Other people mattering, right? Like, exactly love that. But then he says, the harder you work, the luckier you get. Lasso says that as he's like putting the bag into the car. And, and I'm like, that I think is, is the Lasso ways, like I'm gonna keep trying mm-hmm <affirmative> and hopefully things will get better, but I trust that like there's light at the end of the tunnel or there's luck just around the corner. What about you?

 

Dimple (06:02):

I agree. And I think for me, the Lasso way is really just like that idea of having that growth mindset. Right. So even in the, the press conference, I love how he just starts off by saying, you know, let's just address the larger than normal elephant in the room. And the fact that he knows about the sport, and then they throw all those questions at him. And he finally just says, you know, that regardless of what he knows, what he does know is that, you know, anything just like any other team he's coached that they're gonna go out there and like give it his all, give it their all of course he says four,

 

Dimple (06:35):

Four quarters. Right.

 

Jeff (06:38):

But yeah, two halves. Two halves

 

Dimple (06:40):

And then the tie and all the other stuff. But, but is this idea that like, you know, you can have that perspective of what can I learn from this situation? And I think that this, to your original point of other people matter, being kind of the foundation of positive psychology, like, I, I feel like this show really epitomizes that. Right. And from that first moment, like, I really love that connection that he and Beard have, like just the fact that they finish each other's sentences. And mm-hmm, <affirmative> just the little like glances and looks at each other, you know, when they meet people and stuff like that. But as soon as they get to the plane and they meet the driver, you know, the first thing he does is introduce himself. Uh, and he says, Hey, I'm Ted, what's your name?

 

Jeff (07:26):

Yup, yup.

 

Dimple (07:26):

Like, like you said, like asking names, and it just felt so authentic. Like it's not one of those things where you can tell that that's who he is, that he, he wants to know people. Right. And so to me, like the Lasso way is very much about like, what am I gonna learn? What, what curiosity can I bring into this as we will learn, you know, later on, um, down the series like that, that curiosity piece is such a big one, but, but yeah, it just, I love that. And that really stuck with me too. You know, that, that, that place where it was like, are you, do you wanna know my name? Like nobody asked my name. And then later when they're out on the field, he's oh, he remembered my name, you know? And it just like, it warmed your heart because it's like, oh my gosh, like it's such a small, tiny little act, but like such a huge impact they can have on people.

 

Jeff (08:17):

But he even does it with, is it Heely or

 

Jeff (08:21):

Keely? Yeah. Keely.

 

Jeff (08:23):

When he covers her up, like he covers the, the, you know, the, the provocative photo up. And she like appreciates that. And she thought at the time he probably was like ogling over it and whatever it is. And that's, I think the other part that he has no hidden agenda. Right. He's showing up with like this childlike curiosity, even when he arrives, he's like, I'm sleeping, but let me go see tower, you know, let me go see this bridge. Right. He doesn't even know what bridge it is. Right. But he's just, and then he's like, even when he is talking to the owner, she's like, you want a tour? And he's like, yeah, I want a tour of like, Abby, whatever road or something like that. And she's like, no of the facility, like, he’s just there just, like enjoying the experience and the moment. Yeah. And he's not, he's not carrying a lot of like burden. That's the part of like being almost childlike with his curiosity. He's not caring a lot. So then it's so interesting when he finally is brought into the press room because it's like, negativity is so easy to run to. And everyone on that side is negative and it's just him. It's like 150, 200 people in the room that are all negative and being like, you should be negative too. And he's, he's believing, he's believing that it's possible that, that there's a new way

 

Dimple (09:40):

Uh, yeah. And it is so easy to get sucked in. Right. Like, I can't imagine, you know, I'm curious for you, if you've been in that situation before where, you know, like you're, you're in a place where you, even, if you feel like, you know what you're doing, like, I, I can't imagine being in a situation like that where I genuinely don't have any, like, understanding of the thing that I'm getting into and then to just be like, yeah, it's okay. You know, like I don’t know this, but I trust like the people around me are going to, you know, and that's the other thing, right? Like, he's got that relationship with Beard who is a sponge. Like we, when we meet Beard, he's on the plane reading, like all these soccer books. Right. So he is, and, and Ted even says to him, you're such a sponge.

 

Dimple (10:25):

Right. But Beard is constantly taking all this stuff in and he, he's gonna be the person that Ted trusts and knows is going to know the sport inside and out. Ted doesn't need to know that part because for him, it's about the relationships and the coaching. Right. Yeah. And, and that's the other thing, like, you know, in positive psychology, when we think about the, the idea of coaching people, right. It is very much about bringing in that sense of like bringing out the best of the person that you're working with. Right. Mm-hmm <affirmative>, and that's what he's all about out is he's more focused on those connections and creating those strong bonds and relationships than, and he doesn't care about the wins or losses. Right. For him, it's really about like the game it's about creating that the best version of his, you know, like for each person to be the best version of themselves at all times. And, and I love that. Like, I, I just think that's such a, an amazing, like way to, to bring that out of people.

 

Jeff (11:23):

He's also, I recognize, not driven by his ego because at one point Keely comes to pick up, uh,

 

Dimple (11:31):

Jamie Tartt, played by Phil Dunster

 

Jeff (11:32):

Jamie Tartt, and he just lets him go. Now, most coaches would be like, that is s bad move. Like you, this is your moment to show that, you know what you're doing and that he can't leave because you're giving the first speech of, and it's gonna be so important. And he is just like, all right. You know, and most people wouldn't do that. Right. But again, if you're saying what you said, if it's like about relationships right now, he's just in the mode of just like observing. And he's only focused on the things that he can control, like him and beard, like, okay, what can they control? They can put the believe sign up, they can move their desks in a way. That is like much more communal for them. Right. But they don't really have much control right now. So they're like just open to like observing, which is actually really hard to do whenever you're walking into like a foreign place.

 

Dimple (12:27):

Well, and also, you know, that, that thing about Jamie being like, oh, I gotta go get waxed. Uh, you know, I can stay, if you want me to, it was interesting, ‘cos I was kind of watching like the other faces and you can see that everyone's looking to see what Ted's gonna do, you know? Yeah. I think the writing on this show is really interesting because like, for me, this first episode was really just an introduction to all the characters. Right. Mm-hmm <affirmative> like all the main characters get introduced one after another and this episode, and in that 30 minutes, like we learned so much about each person just by the few like words and actions that they speak. But I think what's interesting is that, uh, you know, as I was watching, uh, like Roy Kent staring at Ted Lasso in that moment, you know, there's this sense that they think he's gonna be this pushover, you know, that he is, you know, like whatever. And, uh, and it's really interesting. And it's, it's, you know, to your point about him taking his ego out of it, like, I feel like if I was in that situation, like I, it would be all over my face and I'd be so frustrated and annoyed, like right off the bat. And so, to like, to stay composed and just be like, yeah, all right. But to your point, like I think he really is just taking it in and trying to like figure out who each person is.

 

Jeff (13:44):

And, and he even says later on with Beard, he goes like, we're gonna win him over. Like we're gonna win him over with kindness. And Beard completely says, he's like, and he knows it. Because maybe they did that at Wichita State. He's just like, Oh, Ken's gonna hate that. And he will, he will hate that he likes Lasso. So it's almost like Beard understands also the Lasso way from the last place. Yeah. Of like winning people over with kindness or with whatever gesture. Because I guess what he's doing all the time and this kind of, I guess reminds me of play. I'm a play guy, right? Yeah. Is this idea of attunement like Dr. Stewart Brown, this play, this amazing play researcher. Like the best of it. I was, I was talking to him and he was saying like, when a mom and a baby look at each other, they get attuned and then they literally have the same brainwaves. Like they match up perfectly. And what we're doing all the time, even with everybody is we're always looking for attunement. Mm-hmm <affirmative>, that's the first level of play. Just like, how are we attuned? And I feel like that is what Lasso’s always doing with each gesture. It's like a gesture of attunement, a gesture of like play like, oh, do you want to connect with me? Like, Hey Nathan, I remember your name. I actually want to connect with you again. And some people are vibing with that and then others are gonna hate it because they've never felt that level of attunement because that's real, like that's real relationship. That's real like being, that's real, someone's seeing you for you. And it's like, Ooh, a lot of people don't wanna be that vulnerable.

 

Dimple (15:27):

Yeah. Yeah. It's true. And that vulnerability piece, I think is really just such a, a key. Have you still, uh, I know we've talked in the past, like you had not watched the second season, is that still the case?

 

Jeff (15:41):

No, I haven’t.

 

Dimple (15:41)

Yeah. So vulnerability is like on steroids in Season 2. <laugh> so, but yeah, like I think that that's, that's interesting. And, and in terms of that connection know like every person he meets, he does try to make that special connection, you know, in some way. And so even like when he calls on Trent Crimm at the, um, press conference, mm-hmm immediate thing is like, oh, I like your glasses. You know? Like he, and, and it doesn't sound like this fake, like, cause it takes Trent Crimm off guard for a second. He's like, oh thanks. You know? And like he launches into his face.

 

Jeff (16:13):

And then, because I'm about to punch you in the face. Right. And you just complimented me. Oh yeah. That, I didn't even realize that, that's huge. Oh!

 

Dimple (16:23):

I really appreciate that about, about him. Like I think that that actually makes it really fun. But the other part about play that came up for me as I was watching was, you know, the, this is something that I struggle with a lot is, um, taking myself too seriously. And maybe that doesn't fall under play, but I, I think about it in that way, because it's one of the things I admire about you is like, I think that you just have this personality where you're, you know, you're making jokes and things like that. And I was laughing because when I watched it again, um, that, that scene where we first get introduced to Ted Lasso is actually through Sports Center where they're showing the video of him dancing

 

Jeff (17:00):

Oh he’s doing the dancing!

 

Dimple (17:00):

Yeah. And it reminded me of the first time I met you because we met at Camp Good Life Project and I remembered, uh, you know, they had that dance party at the end or whatever. And I just remember like seeing you, you like in your element. And so that actually just reminded me of that. But like people just say such horrible things to him, you know? So like the whole thing with Roy Kent, you know, that last scene that they had together, uh, and Ted says, you know, you you've had a great career and Roy says, uh, yeah. And I didn't think you would end by being coached by Ronald f*****g McDonald, you know? Yes. And like, and instead, you know, and again, like, that's just, it's so like purple and yet, uh, when he walks away, he looks at fear. He's like, you gonna let him talk to you like that. <laugh>, you know, and fear's like, I don't think he was talking to me. And so, you know, and he just kind of laughs it off. And, and that's when he makes the comment about, oh, he's gonna be so mad when we win him over, you know, you know? And so like this ability to kind of let things roll off your back a little bit more and not take them so seriously. And just, I guess, have that like faith that they're gonna come around, like it's gonna be okay

 

Jeff (18:08):

Have that faith as well as believe it's not about you, right?

 

Dimple (18:12):

Yeah. Yeah. That's a good point.

 

Jeff (18:13):

It's like, whatever these people are saying, this stuff is coming a lot from their own ish. Right. It's their own. And here's a weird story that like, it's perfect that I'm sharing this now because I just watched it. So, so Jason Sudeikis when he was on SNL, he was a, he was a writer on SNL as everyone knows. Right. Mm-hmm <affirmative> but he wasn't getting a lot of spot. He wasn't getting any on-camera roles. Yeah. And then he was about to quit. He told Lauren Michaels, like, eh, you know, I don't know if this is gonna work out. And then he just so happened to be dancing during, I don't know, some thing. And he was doing this like ridiculous dance. All of those moves, he was doing it at some point and a bunch of the on-camera  people were like that dude is hilarious. We need to put him on-camera. And that's how he got his first camera. And he has like a skit in SNL where he wears a tracksuit,

 

Dimple (19:15):

The red tracksuit

 

Jeff (19:16):

He just dances the same dance. So it's ironic that that is the first clip. I didn't realize that until you told me, like, that's the first clip. And what's interesting too, is talk about attunement. Right? We're talking about play and attunement, like to see how much his team is vibing with him. Right. And you're like, he had got them all bought in. By that time he had got them all bought in and it was like, there's no way he's gonna do that again. There's just no way. And it's just like, well, maybe like it starts with one. It started with Nathan. Then it starts with like the owner and it starts with Roy and it starts with Tartt. And it's interesting then his strategy because in his strategy basically is just like one at a time, one conversation at a time, one interaction at a time. And even when I have that interaction, if it doesn't go well, that's not the last interaction I'll have with that person. So I'm just gonna keep going.

 

Dimple (20:17):

Yeah. I love what you just said about like, it's not about me. Right. Because I think we get sucked into that so quickly. Like it's so easy to just be like, what did I do? Like, why does this person hate me? What, you know, like, and you're right. Like nine times outta 10. it probably isn't about you. And so to be able to have that wisdom and that self-awareness to just be like, eh, this isn't about me. Like I can laugh this off because you know, they're gonna become self-aware soon. And the other piece about like the ripple effects and just like what it really takes one person to start a ripple effect. Right. And I love the, that opening sequence that the opening song and all of that, bless you, in that opening sequence, we see Ted Lasso sitting in that stadium alone, and then all the seats around him start to change color and all the graffiti starts to go away. And I've heard him talk on other, um, interviews and stuff about how it was meant to show exactly that, that one person can have such an impact on the people around them. So here's a funny thing though. I did pause the, um, show as I was watching, cuz I was curious, like I had never looked at like what the seeds actually say. It's pretty funny. So it had stuff like relegate Rebecca. Uh, the Beard, Roy Kent will kill your grand, Ref get off your knees. Uh, Kent's bent, greyhound until I die. And in Kent we trust, those are the ones that I caught. Yeah. I thought that was really funny, but yeah, like it's pretty amazing. I just wrote an article about this recently about, you know, it, it really takes one person to be able to, to start that, that change, that needs to happen. And that takes a lot of courage. I think too, you know, because you are gonna come across a lot of people who just aren't gonna see things the way that you do or, uh, going back to that feeling of like, you know, we're comfortable in this place that we know <laugh>, we don't need to step outside to something that's where we're gonna, you know, feel uncomfortable and get pushed a little bit. And so, but yeah, like it takes that one person to start that,

 

Jeff (22:21):

To think about the opposite, right. To think about the press room. I keep thinking about the press room, right. Because she even said, and hasn't been this filled in years. So all these people show up that are like angry. They're angry that change is coming. They don't like change. Even though they've been living in mediocrity for so long, they, you know, it's that whole devil that, you know, right. Like we'd rather continue you to be mediocre, then be the laugh, and potentially be the laughing stock of the league. Right. And I think that's the part that also a lot of people struggle with. I struggle with it myself as well as just like this idea of like, oh, well I could put something out there and then look like a real idiot or I could just play it safe and not do anything, you know? And I'll be fine. That part fascinates me. The other thing that struck for me when you were, when you were talking, is this idea of like small wins and small wins that sometimes you don't even see. So one of the small wins I noticed early was so when they were showing the press briefing, right. They showed those guys in the bar. You remember those guys in the bar? And this is one black dude. And like, Lasso makes a joke. I don't know what the joke is. Just oh, like about, yeah. Like if you ended a game in a, in a tie in America, there would be the apocalypse. And then that black dude laughed. Like, that's kinda funny. And everyone's like, don't laugh, don't support him. You know, we're all against him. You can't be against him. And he is just like, and it's just like, all you need you, a lot of times you don't even know what progress you’re making and the impact you're having on people like ever, frankly. Yep. So to think about that from time to time and be like, oh, maybe I am making a little bit of progress. Might bring a little bit more hope and motivation to your life.

 

Dimple (24:19):

Yeah, for sure. Like, there's a really great Ted Talk. I don't know if you've ever heard that. It's um, it's on everyday leadership. I can't remember the name of the guy who did it, but, but he talks about exactly that, that if you're lucky, you'll find out one day because somebody will tell you, but you have no idea the impact that you make on the people around you on a day to day basis. Right. So that little word of encouragement or that authentic, Hey, how's it going? Like, what's new with you, you know, just taking that moment to connect with people. And I think like, especially in the pandemic, like that's been a big thing, right. We've been so isolated. I mean, now we're kind of starting to get back out there, but I feel like there's so much trauma <laugh> anyway that like, it doesn't feel the same, but I know like when we were the height of it and we were on lockdown and stuff, you know, I really tried to reach out to people just to be like, you know, how's it going? Like, are you doing okay? Because I knew like, especially if you were on your own, like it was so isolating and just that little bit of, Hey, someone took the time to check in on me, can go so far to impacting people. And so towards building that trust and connection that we are all seeking as human beings. Right. Like we need that sense of connection to survive. And, and thrive. Right.

 

Jeff (25:37):

It's funny. I'm trying to think if I remember watching Ted Lasso before I did this or after I did this, you know, whatever, either way. So when I was during the pandemic, I had to fly back and take care of my nephew and whatnot in Chicago. I, I usually live in Oakland, but at one point I moved into like this new place right. In the suburbs of Chicago. And I was like, how do I introduce myself to people during a pandemic? So what I did was I wrote a little note. I think I typed a little note being like, Hey, you know, I'm Jeff, I live here, blah, blah, blah. You know, we're in the middle of the pandemic, but I just wanted to say hello. And then I bought them, um, Starbucks gift cards,

 

Dimple (26:21):

Wow.

 

Jeff (26:22):

$5 Starbucks gift cards. And I gave it to the four neighbors and I just put it like in, in, you know, on their door. I never met them. I, I don't think I ever met them ever. But even that, it was just like, oh, this is nice and then a few people actually wrote me back, which was really actually interesting. But I'm now thinking of it. I was like, that's such a Lasso thing to do. Right.

 

Dimple (26:45):

It is such a Lasso thing to do.

 

Jeff (26:47):

Yeah. And I did it with like, no goal of like, you know, or like, oh, am I gonna get a response or not? It was just like, I'm just gonna do this. I had this epiphany to do it. And I'm just gonna do it right now because I'm thinking about it right now. And then I'm done. And then I forgot about it. And then there was some reciprocation back. So it's like, oh yeah. How do I do more of those gestures? Because that gesture was so brief, but also very memorable for me. Probably also impacted other people's lives. How do I do more of those?

 

Dimple (27:20):

That's a nice one. But let me ask you, so in doing that, you know, had you not received, like, reciprocation, would you still have felt good though about doing that?

 

Jeff (27:29):

Yeah I felt, I felt good as soon as I put the card and the letter there. I think that's something that also got me through the pandemic is when I would reach out to people. I knew whenever I reached out and connected with people, even if I was just emailing someone, I'd just be like, Hey, we haven't talked in a while. I just wanna say, you're awesome. I thought about that, that alone would make me feel really good, whether they contacted me back or not.

 

Dimple (27:56):

So every year I’m in this thing called the You Matter campaign. Um, and I'm just like, I'm having such like memory issues today. But like, I don't remember the woman who started this. She basically had been, you know, in a grocery store and was leaving the grocery store. And she saw like this woman with her kid, the kid was having a tantrum. The woman was clearly like really struggling. And she, you know, she just took a moment just to like let her know that she saw her and that, you know, to make her feel less alone and, and whatever. And so it got her thinking and she ended up also doing a Ted Talk, but she now does this thing where like, you can order these cards, they're these little cards that say you matter. And, and I love it. Like I love just so like when I go to like Trader Joe's or whatever, I'll just like stick 'em in the plants. And, you know, and, and I don't know, I don't know who's picking them up, but like, I love knowing that someone's gonna pick that up and be like, huh, this is really cool. You know? And so there's really something to be said that, you know, it isn't always about like the reciprocation, right. And when we think about these positive emotions that we want to cultivate, and when we think about gratitude and stuff, um, you know, that idea of, of sending that gratitude letter or letting someone know, um, how they've impacted you, we get as much out of it as the other person does, you know? And, and that, that feels so good. And I'm not saying like, that's the reason to do it, but like it's an added benefit for sure. You know?

 

Jeff (29:26):

Yeah. Yeah. It reminds me of, I, I have some of those, You Matter cards in my wallet as we speak, so I gotta go back and like pass more of those out, but it reminds me of, uh, Jennifer Jines. I don't know if you know her

 

Dimple (29:40):

Oh yeah, yeah. My dear friend Jen Jines.

 

Jeff (29:42):

So the kindness, she, you know, she runs workshops on kindness and she had us do our like kindness challenge

 

Dimple (29:50):

Quest, yeah.

 

Jeff (29:52):

Yeah. Our kindness quest. Right. We like went out, um, on, and we had to write these notes in like, in like triangle form, kind of like when, and we were like in elementary school or junior high. Right. And I remember walking with one person and we were, she was holding and she was just like, this is meant for somebody, someone like really important. She had written something really powerful in the message. And then as we're walking, we remember, uh, a couple coming around the corner and she's like, it's meant for her. And she walks right up to her and I'm right next to her. And, um, she goes, this was meant for you. I'm supposed to give this to you. And she gives it to her and they go off on their way. And I was like, oh, I feel she's like, yeah, that felt really good. Anyway, like that night, somehow we found out it was somebody that is like quite well known on the internet. And she had posted the photo of the thing and was like, this is exactly what I need to be here. Like I was really struggling. And then this random angel came and gave me this note and I was like, whoa. And talk about a ripple effect. Right. If Jennifer doesn't come up with the Kindness Quest, Jennifer doesn't take the risk, great. The Kindagious Right. If she doesn't come up with the idea of the notes, if we then don't agree, you know, to write the notes and, and participate in the quest. And then we act actually then go out and do a bunch of things and take the risk of going up to where none of that actually happens. So it's like, there's so much attunement. I keep going back to that word. Right. Yeah. But there's so much like play, there's so much like gestures of like, well, I'm gonna gesture, but I don't know if I'm gonna get it back, but I'm gonna do it anyway that caused that ripple to happen. I think we see our days so much in a meh way because we don't give ourselves credit for the ripples that we have every day.

Dimple (31:55):

Yeah. I love that. I love that. It's true. Cause, cause we probably are impacting people and, and not even realizing it. So yeah. I like that a lot. Through the work that we do, we know that positive emotions are a good thing. Right. And within limits <laugh> and um, you know, gratitude is a good thing and that the more that we cultivate these things, the more we, we find reasons to find them and, um, creates those like upward spirals. Right. But you know, like Ted, even in this first episode you see a lot of like jokes, right. So there's the, the one where Rebecca's like, oh, do you believe in ghosts? And he says, I do. But I, you know, I think it's more important that they believe in themselves, you know? And you see like her facial expression where she's like, she doesn't know what to do with that. Right. She's like, okay. And then that's when she like leads into the press room. And there was like several of those throughout the episode and, and throughout the series. And like, what was interesting is, you know, you see him as kind of this positive person and then you get to the end of the episode and he's in his apartment and you know, he is talking to his wife and, uh, you know, and that's one thing I love about Jason Sudeikis is like, he's a phenomenal actor. And just like watching those facial, like those really small facial expressions and stuff, and you can see the little bits of hurt. Uh, you know, because he’s so in love with his family and uh, you know, and his wife wants space from him. He's like, come across the ocean to give her that he tells her he loves her. And it's clear that she had, she doesn't say it back to him. Right. And I remember like the first time I watched that, I was kind of thinking about like, you know, if you had someone who was this positive and like, you know, who joked around this much and they're like, why would you want space from them? But, but there is this element of potentially things becoming that in going into that space of toxic positivity. Right. And so I'm curious, like, like what do you think that line is? And do you think that Ted hits that line? Or do you think that it's like, does he stay below it? Like what do you think?

 

Jeff (34:04):

I think that line is when it's not authentic when it's not, you like the, if you think about it from my perspective, right? He's himself, the whole show, the whole show. I feel like he's fully himself, but at the end and you, you spark this for me right. When he's calling her, like, it's the first time you see his hair, like combed really nicely. And it almost feels like fake because like it's so, and he's also like trying to be very careful. He's careful with like his son. He's like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't, I didn't realize it was this time. I thought you were yeah. Be in school or whatever it is. I thought it was nighttime there too, because he forgot about it. And then with her, like, so I think that's like the first time where you see him, in my opinion, trying, there's a lot of trying, there's a lot of tiptoeing around eggshells and I'm, you know, I've felt that when I've been in a toxic relationship where I don't know how to act anymore, because it's just like, too, like if I say this, I'm gonna offend him. If I say this, I'm gonna offend him as like, so yeah. And it's hard to like, figure out that line when you're in it. I hate toxic positivity. Right? Like I'm all about it. Um, I'm all about being, you know, hopeful, but I'm all about feeling all the feelings as well, right?

 

Dimple (35:26):

Yeah, yeah.

 

Jeff (35:27):

And I think that's the part, the toxic positivity part, the line for me is when you're always trying to be happy. Yeah. And you don't allow yourself to feel any of the other feelings, sadness, you know, regret, you know, anger, you know, and I say this a lot. There's like, there's a beauty to sadness. Right.

 

Dimple (35:47):

Hundred percent. Yeah.

 

Jeff (35:48):

I, I, I just, you know, um, someone I knew just passed away that was like really young. It was just, I, oh my gosh, I can't believe this. But, and then I, I heard like, well, what is grief? Right. Grief is unexpressed love. Like that's what it's. So it's just like, oh, but there's a beauty to being sad. Like when my dad died, like I both felt sadness, but then all of it, his like brothers showed up like his four brothers who hadn't seen each other since their mom died. So then I felt a certain level of joy. And I was like, could I feel joy and sadness at the same time? Could I feel, you know, anger and, you know, and happiness, like, and I think that's the part that, that are you allowing yourself to feel all of the different feelings or are you pigeonholing yourself to being like, well, this is what everyone thinks I am. I'm positive all the time. So I have to be positive all the time. That's my take. So what do you think?

 

Dimple (36:49):

Yeah, I, I, I agree. So I, in the course that I teach, I teach a mindfulness course called m-PEAK. And, um, in that we talk about this idea of spiritual bypassing, right. So that is, you know, that goes hand in hand with toxic positivity. And it's this idea that we're just gonna sugarcoat everything or it's those platitudes of like, uh, it could be worse or, you know, it is what it is. And, and there's definitely wisdom in all of those, right? Like there's times where we need to hear that. But to your point, like, I agree, and I love like Renee Brown talks about how you can't selectively numb your feelings, right. So you can't really experience true joy, um, and connection. If you're not going to allow yourself to experience the sadness and this connection that we sometimes feel, you know? And so you have to be able to experience those in order to really fully be able to experience like the positive ones. And so I agree, I think it is where, you know, that that line for me also is where you're trying to just be positive in the face of everything, when really, sometimes there's nothing to be positive about, you know, and, uh, or in that moment there isn't necessarily. And so, yeah, so I, I kind of agree with that. Um, uh, sorry. I was just thinking about like, uh, I had the same experience when, when my mom passed away too, where like, I was definitely like sad and broken about it, but I also, at the same time had really strong feelings of gratitude because the family was there to support us because she didn't suffer long, you know, like, um, because we got some really good time together before she passed, you know? And so, so it is interesting to, to be able to, uh, it's not an either or, but a yes kind of thing where you can feel both at the same time. And so, yeah,

 

Jeff (38:43):

It even reminds me and this, I guess, ties in with, I guess, Ted Lasso, without me even realizing it is like I bought a, um, uh, like a mini futsal ball, like it's, you know, I play soccer a lot of, I love it. Um, and I bought this one while I was in Portugal. It's like this tiny ball and I dribbled it around all of Portugal. Right. Like in Lisbon and Porto. And then when, and then I dribbled it in the airport and then I, when I got home, I would dribble it around like the suburbs. And then I dribbled it in like Oakland and San Francisco just like taking it around, like it was, um, like a pack. Right. And, but I realized as I was kicking around yesterday, after I got my booster shot, I was in Berkeley and I was dripping around and I was like, oh, this ball is like a metaphor. Right. <laugh> and the metaphor that I, I recognize like my attitude towards the ball is like, I bought this, but I don't own it. Like, I have it for as long as I don't even have it. It's just like, it's part of me, but like, it might get lost. Someone might take it, it might explode like something might happen with it. But right now at this moment, I'm enjoying my experience with it. But it's like, I don't own it. Right. Just like, I don't own a relationship with a friend. I don't own like, you know, even like my business, it's all organic. It's all like, and the only thing I can feel towards this ball is like, gratitude that at this moment, I'm enjoying this experience with it. And that's all I can do. And I think where the suffering comes is when we think we own stuff, we think we own stuff. Like we get angry when someone passes away beforehand, because we're like, well, it shouldn't have already happened instead of being like, well, I at least got time with that person. But that's the part that I think is really, really hard for us to struggle with is, is this idea that it's all a bonus. And I feel like that is what Ted Lasso is constantly doing. He's like, I'm not owed anything. Everything's just gravy. And if I turn this around, great. And if not, this is where we’re at

 

Dimple (40:54):

Yeah. Yeah. And to like build on that, I think going back to the idea of courage, like, it takes a lot of courage to be in that space. Right. Because if you're operating from a place of fear, you're gonna be in your head the whole time. You can't show up authentically to do that because, um, again, like going back to the, the press room and to be thrown into that and to just be able to, to actually acknowledge, like, I don't know anything, you know, I, I do a lot of work with,

 

Jeff (41:24):

In front of all of the England, right?

 

Dimple (41:27):

Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Exact, well, England and probably other places. Right. Cause that's probably gonna get fed out because you know, like I do a lot of work with leaders, um, as you do too. And like, it's really rare, at least in my experience to see a leader who's willing to get up and just say, yeah, you know what? I don't know. We're gonna figure this out. I trust the people around me. We're gonna, we're gonna figure this out and we're gonna do the best that we can. And I just like, keep coming back to that idea that like, and I love that so many organizations are now using Ted Lasso as a, uh, you know, like as a model for leadership, because I think that that ability to, to be vulnerable, but also to remember that at the end of the day, we are human beings and like, doing the best that we can really is all that we can do. And, and I love that. I love that about this show and his leadership style. And I'm really looking forward to digging into that as the season continues, because I think that we see a lot more of it.

 

Jeff (42:27):

It also ties in with the whole idea of like, culture, right? Because that word has so like work culture and a lot of leaders try do it, exact work culture. They try to like, shove it down your throat and look what he does. Right. He throws up, sign up on the wall and then he does small gestures with each individual. That's it, like, that's what leaders really should be doing. But instead they're like, we need to have culture and everyone needs to be happy and everyone needs to be hardworking and 24/7 and, and they just throw a bunch of stuff on like missions on the wall, but then they never actually do any of this stuff. And I think what's great is he only has one thing on there. And then he constantly is showing that he, he believes in that mission, he really does believe in believing, like he believes this could be a good thing. Right.

 

Dimple (43:20):

And I think that, you know, the word believe like that was my word of the year. For last, for this past year, it means so many different things. Right. And in so many different contexts and, but it's such a simple thing. And I, I love that too. Like when we get introduced to him putting up that sign and to see like the impact that, that has made, you know, on professional sports teams now. Right. Like we see so many of like the stadiums handing out those signs during games now. And, and so I think there's, there's really something powerful in that simple word believe. And so,

 

Jeff (43:54):

What resonates with you? What about that word got you through this year?

 

Dimple (43:59):

I think, for me believe is about like, I don't need to know what's gonna happen necessarily. Like I don't have to have everything planned out. Right. Like I can believe in my capabilities. I can believe in myself doing everything that I need to do. And I can believe in the fact that like, things are gonna be okay. Like however they play out, it may not always be easy. It may not always be what I expected was gonna happen, but it, it's okay. Like I'm, I'm gonna be okay. And so for me, like that's how believe has really resonated. And also like the piece about really, uh, believing in myself, I think is the big one. Because this year I had a lot of big shifts with leaving my job and starting my own business and, or like, I guess, going into my own business full time. And all of that was scary, you know, and to be able to, to go out and do that, like you have to believe in, in yourself to do that. Right. So

 

Jeff (44:54):

Yeah, at like every day, like every day you're asked again to like, think about that and it kind of ties back in with the, the quote he said earlier where it was this, what was it? Uh, the harder you work, the luckier you get like, like this belief that I'm going down this right path or path that fits for me. Right. Yeah. And things are just gonna work out, work, work out. I don't know how they're gonna work out, but I, I have this belief that they're gonna work out. Like, I know this writer who, you know, is pretty prolific now. And I would ask her like, how do you know that the book is going to, uh, end well like that you're gonna come to it. And she's like, well, I've been doing it so long now that I just trust my intuition, that I'll eventually get there because I've gotten there before. And it's like, oh, she's like, I don't know how I'm gonna get there, but I just believe that I'm gonna get there. And, and I think that, man, when you not only able to embrace that for yourself, but then have that ripple effect, get other people to also believe

 

Dimple (45:57):

Yes, yes. Yeah.

 

Jeff (46:01):

That’s the entity of an organization. Right. It's like it's this idea. And then you try to get other people to believe in that same amount of you.

 

Dimple (46:08):

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, this is so good. All right. So what is your, What Would Ted Lasso Do lesson that you're gonna try to, to put into practice for the next week or so

 

Jeff (46:19):

I think I'm going to explore this attunement even more, right? Like, I'm gonna think about, I'm gonna actually try out in each interaction that I'm gonna have, like, like this is actually, uh, interesting. I don't know if I'm gonna get to it by the next session. Cause I don't know when we're meeting next, but I've been challenged by a podcast to go on a 24-hour date.

 

Dimple (46:44):

I saw that, that looks amazing. I was like, oh, I can't wait to see how this goes

 

Jeff (46:47):

It's 12 hours on a Saturday and it's 12 hours on a Sunday. And you know, whoever's listening to this, like it’s happening in like a week. Um, so it's 10:00 AM to 10:00 PM and 10:00 AM to 10:00 PM. So not only that, I'm meeting, I'm meeting this person for the first time. So I don't even know who this is, but I wanna practice attunement with a lot more people. Like what is the gesture that I'm actually doing without the goal of trying to get reciprocation, just simply doing it because I want to do it, you know, like reaching out to a friend. I haven't reached out to it in a while, for example. And just being like, I really appreciate that you exist in the world. Boom. That's it, very simple. But yeah, I wanna do more of that this week. That's what I’m going to do

 

Dimple (47:30):

  1. Can can't wait to hear how it goes. I think I'm really gonna work on the, um, not taking myself so seriously. Um, and trying to be a little like less, um, controlling about my interactions and just, you know, like, and not taking it personally. So really keeping that in the forefront of this isn't about me.

 

Jeff (47:52):

So you're gonna do that in like each action that you’re, and just being observant of it or what,

 

Dimple (47:59):

Yeah. Yeah. So I'm gonna notice, like, you know, as I'm interacting with people, like if, if things are coming up, just noticing how I feel by just being like, oh, like, this is what they're going through, or this is something about, um, not about me. So I think that's where I wanna put my focus this week and see kind of how that goes. Cause I'll have plenty of opportunities <laugh> in these projects I'm working on. So, so we'll see how that goes. So Jeff, thank you so much. This was so much fun. And um, to anyone who is listening, if you enjoy this or if you're willing to give us another shot, uh, please like, subscribe and share. And, um, Jeff, thank you so much. And I appreciate you.

 

Jeff (48:41):

Hey, thanks so much for having me this is awesome. This was fun. Let's go Episode 2! See ya!

 

Dimple (48:57):

Thanks so much for listening to What Would Ted Lasso Do. If you got any nuggets of Ted Lasso wisdom from this episode, try them out in your life and let us know what happens @wwtldpodcast on Twitter, Instagram, or at our website, wwtldpodcast.com where you'll also find the full transcript of the show. We love hearing what other Ted heads took away from the episode or details or perspectives that we might have missed.

 

Jeff (49:19):

And if you do like the show, please subscribe and head on over to Apple Podcast and leave us a five-star rating. It all helps. We don't know exactly why, but it does. So in the spirit of believing in hope, believing in believe, please help us out

 

Dimple (49:37):

And thank you to Podify and Sam Davidson for producing our show to Kajal Dhabalia for our visuals and graphics and Kenzie Slottow for our theme song. And most of all, thank you to all of you for listening.

 

Jeff (49:48):

Ted Lasso could simply just be another show to binge-watch. Or if we challenge ourselves to consistently ask the question, what would Ted Lasso do? It could change the trajectory of your life. It has for us

 

Dimple (50:04):

So join us again next time as we explore another episode and ask ourselves, What Would Ted Lasso Do?